Sartorial nightmare...

I cannot tie a bowtie. I have been trying for 3 days. I've got a big date tonight and I finally get to wear my new tux. My date is extremely stylish, hip and beautiful, and she is going to be a vision tonight in a black dress and long gloves! I really wanted to go the extra mile and get a real bowtie. Then I could be the only guy at the end of the evening with the untied tie hanging around my neck. How cool would that be?

But, unfortunately, it is not meant to be. Perhaps my neck is too big? Perhaps I'm just retarded?

I can write excellent computer code.
I can fly a plane.
I can play many instruments, some of them pretty well.
I can write songs.
I can take photographs and process them in a darkroom.
I can build things out of wood.
I can figure out electronic equipment.
I can shoot pretty well.
I can make people feel happy or stupid.

But I can't tie a bowtie. And for some reason that makes me feel incomplete.