He's leaving home... bye...bye...

I will be leaving you. (But I'm not meeting a man in the motor trade!)

Dry your eyes. It's only for 10 days. I’m taking my girlfriend on a journey. And it’s not like I’ve been posting a lot, anyway. (I haven’t had anything to bitch about lately, and even less after reading this great post…)

Anyway, we will leave home around 5:30AM on Thursday and proceed to Dallas. While there, we will do some shopping at the Galleria and Northpark. (She deserves this for being such a good sport about what she will have to endure over the next several days!)

Friday, more stuff in Dallas and then on to Oklahoma City. Visit the Memorial. Get a hotel. Drive around and take pictures at night.

Saturday, west on Route 66 towards Albuquerque. With stops in Clinton, OK at the Route 66 museum and Amarillo at the Cadillac Ranch.

Sunday – west on 66. Stops in Winslow, AZ (Meteor Crater), Joseph City (Jackrabbit Trading Post), Seligman and Kingman. Turning north on 93, crossing the Hoover Dam and the checking into a suite on The Strip for 3 nights.

Monday/Tuesday – Death Valley, Mojave Desert, Baker, Amboy and riding through the desert under the stars. And fireworks.

Wednesday – Back on 66 to Williams, up to the Grand Canyon, then on to Flagstaff

Thursday – back through Albuquerque and spend the night in Tucumcari

Friday – back to Dallas

Saturday – home

Sunday – decompress

For those of you keeping score:
Day 1 – 427 miles
Day 2 – 205 miles
Day 3 – 551 miles
Day 4 – 574 miles
Day 5/6 – 500+ miles
Day 7 – 352 miles
Day 8 – 497 miles
Day 9 – 478 miles
Day 10 – 427 miles

Take care, and I’ll let you know when I get back…

Good News/Bad News

(or “Things we learn from imdb.com”)

Madonna has dumped Britney Spears because she no longer follows Kabbalah.

While not a fan of the little redneck girl from Covington, I really do have hope that she will eventually dee-vorce the rappin' and dancin' doofus and learn how to be a good mom. In the meantime, (according to The Scoop website) Super-Whore Madonna is demanding that Britney return a 12th century book on the Kabbalah she gave to the singer as a wedding gift. A source says, "Madonna spent months teaching Britney the Kabbalah system (What? They have a system???), and splashed out thousands on the ancient scripture for her. She feels she has wasted time, money and precious gifts on Brit." But what about all of us hapless civilian that have wasted years having to endure Madonna? I’ve heard a lot more of her crap than Britney’s, that’s for sure… In the end, kabbalah is quite reminiscent of an appetizer served at a Mediterranean restaurant. (PS – I hate that piece of shit Madonna!)

In the meantime, Extra-Superba-Whore Paris Hilton (another useless waste of female flesh – a life-support system for a pu$$y) has decided she is swearing off men. She announced it on Letterman. Whatever will we do??? The good news is that she has decided “I don’t get to spend time on me.” Hmmm… One of us is confused.

Jaleel White did not commit suicide. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the best news of the day!

The new Jolie/Pitt spawn is starting a fashion trend after appearing on the cover of America's People magazine in a trendy T-shirt. Now EVERYONE has bought one! And I thought PimpFants was going to help me have a better baby than anyone else. Now I’ll never be able to have anything but a normal, sucky baby! Shit!

And lastly…

It may be possible that Sir Paul (McCartney - the cute one or the dead one, depending on your age) married a hooker. ‘Nuff said!

Have a good day!

Potty... what?

From today's paper... (because I have nothing better to write about...)

Club shooting victim recovering

A woman is recovering at a local hospital after being shot at a local club early Sunday morning, Police Sgt. Joseph Wade said.

He said it appears that the woman, whose name was not released, did not suffer life-threatening injuries.

Latrina Newsome, 27, was charged with aggravated assault, according to police records.

She is suspected of shooting another woman after an altercation at Birdland Restaurant and Lounge on Farish Street, Wade said.

So now I am wondering - does Latrina have a brother named Toiletris?

Is it time for the cavity search?

My girlfriend has lived in the states for about 8 years. She has spent all of that time in the south. She likes it here. People are friendlier, and a lot more laid back. Most times, that is… I love taking her out for “southern experiences”. It used to be that anything involving NASCAR was a purely southern experience, but over the last several years that has pretty much been co-opted by the rest of the country. So last week I decided to take her to that most southern of traditions – the gun show.

A gun show in Jackson, Mississippi is a sea of stereotypes. As I was getting our tickets, two young, well dressed African American gentleman were purchasing tickets as well. They had just come from a graduation ceremony for one of the local high schools. One of them had just graduated. When I saw them inside, they were looking at AK47-knock-offs. About 80% of the white-faced individuals were male and wearing some type of confederate flag representation. The whole room had the aura of right-wing Christian knee-jerk homophobia, and here I go bringing a little Asian girl into the mix. It was great!

However, the most stunning aspect of the room to her was the table where you were supposed to sign the petition for immigration reform. She sat on the sidelines of the room for about 5 minutes just watching that table to see who was signing. It was disturbing to her. I agreed. While I didn’t approach them to find out what version of immigration “reform” they wanted, by the looks of them I would just about guess that it involved ejecting anyone out of the country that did not look or talk like one of the several fatties behind the table.

Fast forward to Saturday…

The city of Flowood had it’s “Flowood Festival” in the park. Lots of rides, concessions and “entertainment” (if you consider John Conlee entertainment – he was old when I was a kid!) followed by a “fireworks extravaganza”. Craving stick food and fireworks, we decided to go partake of the fare. While making the rounds to see what type of stick food we wished to consume, we happened upon another “immigration reform petition” table. This was staffed by a very round and unpleasant looking woman. Here’s how the conversation transpired:

Once immigration is reformed, what is your proposal for determining who gets tossed and who stays? I mean, how do you know my girlfiend is here legally? Will she have to carry her visa with her everywhere she goes and have to go through document checks? “Are your papers in order?”

Well without immigration reform, we could have 200 million immigrants come in over the next 20 years.

So will the police need to stop anyone that doesn’t look like they were born here?

No, that won’t be necessary.

Well how do you know I’m here legally? What if I was born in Scotland but my dad came over illegally and I have been here long enough that I don’t have an accent?

Oh, we’re not worried about…

And then she stopped. In fact, she left and the table was packed up within 3 minutes (while I was waiting on my food). And she never answered my question - at least not the question I asked. However, she did answer the question I DIDN'T ask.

Now, to be fair (just because I like the high road), I think that you would probably never find that statement in any of the documentation. But it seems that at least for around these parts, that’s becoming the norm. If you look like us, you are one of us. Otherwise, go home.

We've got a long way to go on this one...

Screw you, Madonna!

From web reports:

Madonna snapped at an audience member at her gig in Las Vegas, Nevada, on Sunday when she spotted he wasn't dancing. The singer took her Confessions tour to the gambling capital at the weekend after three dates in Los Angeles. Midway through the concert, she singled out a man in the front row, who wasn't getting into the groove and yelled, "If you are only going to sit there, at least you can smile," reports The Scoop.

So you think something is wrong with this guy because he paid $75 (at least?) for a ticket in the front row and has the temerity to not dance while you are performing one of your lame whore-fest sets?

There was a time when I respected Madonna very much. I have never really been a fan of dance music. While I have always leaned more towards heavy guitars, or lyricists like Paul Westerburg or Chris Stamie, during Madonna's first few years I found several of her songs really good and/or inspiring. But this diva shit is ridiculous.

Back when I was performing, I just immediately assumed that it was our fault if any audience members looked bored. I would sometimes single them out not to grill them, but to try and bring them into the spirit of the evening, as it were. C’mon! Have a good time! Help me to help you!!!!

Go have some more fake crucifixions, Maddie - just so the Catholics will drum up a little more free press for you. These days, you are nothing more than a carnival freakshow anyway. I would much rather pay a dollar to see a dead two-headed baby or a fake mystic than pay a quarter to see you eat your own excrement.

Get the fuck outta my town, bitch!