Good News/Bad News

(or “Things we learn from imdb.com”)

Madonna has dumped Britney Spears because she no longer follows Kabbalah.

While not a fan of the little redneck girl from Covington, I really do have hope that she will eventually dee-vorce the rappin' and dancin' doofus and learn how to be a good mom. In the meantime, (according to The Scoop website) Super-Whore Madonna is demanding that Britney return a 12th century book on the Kabbalah she gave to the singer as a wedding gift. A source says, "Madonna spent months teaching Britney the Kabbalah system (What? They have a system???), and splashed out thousands on the ancient scripture for her. She feels she has wasted time, money and precious gifts on Brit." But what about all of us hapless civilian that have wasted years having to endure Madonna? I’ve heard a lot more of her crap than Britney’s, that’s for sure… In the end, kabbalah is quite reminiscent of an appetizer served at a Mediterranean restaurant. (PS – I hate that piece of shit Madonna!)

In the meantime, Extra-Superba-Whore Paris Hilton (another useless waste of female flesh – a life-support system for a pu$$y) has decided she is swearing off men. She announced it on Letterman. Whatever will we do??? The good news is that she has decided “I don’t get to spend time on me.” Hmmm… One of us is confused.

Jaleel White did not commit suicide. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the best news of the day!

The new Jolie/Pitt spawn is starting a fashion trend after appearing on the cover of America's People magazine in a trendy T-shirt. Now EVERYONE has bought one! And I thought PimpFants was going to help me have a better baby than anyone else. Now I’ll never be able to have anything but a normal, sucky baby! Shit!

And lastly…

It may be possible that Sir Paul (McCartney - the cute one or the dead one, depending on your age) married a hooker. ‘Nuff said!

Have a good day!